There is poet (among other things) I love named Maggie Nelson. She has this book called “Bluets” that is a 90 page listicle in which she rhapsodizes on the color blue—tying it to pop culture and her life and the history of the color itself. (She, of course, references Joni Mitchell’s “Blue” and it’s indelible mark on the color that inspired it.) Maggie Nelson is someone I’ve always admired for how masterfully she bends genres, weaving memoir with theory, criticism, poetry, and more. It’s the kind of writing that I’ve always hoped to achieve one day.
Much in the same way that Maggie Nelson fixated on the color blue in “Bluets,” I’ve been fixated on the color green. Green to me means life. It means rebirth. I painted my nails green and now I’m seeing green everywhere. It’s like when you buy a car and then start seeing that car everywhere. All of the sudden it has importance to you in a way that it never did before.
I’ve always loved New Years. The feeling of anticipating the new year and new beginnings. It’s like that feeling you’d get before the first day of school: nervous about what’s to come but also so excited to be experiencing it. This New Years feels like that. I’m so excited for what is to come in the new year and to move past the shitfire that was 2022 for me.
green nails
i painted my nails green
i painted my nails green to forget about you
like a new haircut—but green
i don’t know why i chose green
actually it’s because they didn’t have
the color i actually wanted
a nice sage—not too green
but they didn’t have that color so now
my nails are green
my nails are green cause i eat a lot of vegetables
it don’t have nothing to do with your—
the worst part is that they actually look chic
you dump me and i paint my nails green and
they actually look chic and intentional
how does that make sense?
my nails are green cause i eat a lot of
vegetables
it don’t have nothing to do with your
eyes, green in the sun
an erykah badu joint i can’t get
out of my head
so my nails are green, and
i keep getting complimented on them, and
now i’m going quietly insane, and
a friend asks, did you love him?
no
i mean, yes
i don’t know
it’s so much easier to fall for someone
when they’re falling too, ya know?
but did you love him?
how the hell am i supposed to know
yeah but did you love him?
i painted my nails green
So I’m seeing green everywhere—in my favorite fur coat, in the stems of flowers in a flower shop I love to walk by after a night out. I’m looking forward (or at least trying to). I’ve been in the city for six months, and I’m starting to really feel like I have a home here with a community of people that support me. I turn 24 next year which feels a little terrifying but also exciting. It may be early mid-twenties but it’s still mid-twenties—an age that I’m not so certain should exist outside of the realm of “Girls.” (Wait, maybe I should rewatch “Girls”…)
Here’s to 2023, turning 24, and embracing what is to come.
X, Bryce
Love how the poem turned out B 💙 your beautiful mind