Is it just me, or have the vibes been off this week? Last week a friend sent a video talking about how it was going to be an unproductive week due to the planets doing whatever it is that sends the 444 girls into a tizzy. (I may know my big three, but I’m no astrology girlie. I am but a mere twink. Anyway…) The video said that we shouldn’t even try to get anything done because the universe just simply isn’t going to let it happen. While last week was actually quite productive for me, this week has been anything but. This week feels strained and at odds with the gorgeous spring weather cautiously trying to amend everyone’s seasonal depression. People are tired, and you can feel it in the air.
That being said, it seems all too fitting that Gwyneth Paltrow should be on trial this week. It’s even more fitting that Mother Goop is on trial for running into a retired optometrist while skiing in Park City, Utah. The retired optometrist, Terry Sanderson, is suing Paltrow, “claiming she recklessly crashed into him and then skied away despite his injuries. He said the accident left him with broken ribs and permanent brain damage.”
Paltrow is denying she caused the collision and is filing a lawsuit of her own, claiming that Sanderson was the one to crash in to her.
I must say that 1) no one has ever looked more on trial for skiing accident, 2) regardless of whether or not Paltrow is actually culpable, you’d be quite an idiot to not sue after getting into an altercation with Gwyneth Paltrow on the slopes. Good for him.
try not to say mother
I’ve already spoken ad nauseam about Miss Annie Hathaway’s ensuing career renaissance (like seriously, did she hire Olivia Pope or what, because this career resurgence is so much more than just a new stylist…), but this headline all but confirms it:
“An epic pop melodrama.”
“Fictional musician.”
“Iconic fashion designer.”
Andy Sachs found dead in a ditch somewhere. Natalie Portman is crying, screaming “JUSTICE FOR VOX LUX!!!”
Produced by A24, the film is said to include music by the likes of Charli XCX and Jack Antonoff.
This movie was clearly made for annoying gays, and I am, indeed, annoying and gay. I haven’t been this excited for a piece of media since they first announced Big Little Lies was being made into a miniseries. I need every gay to see this movie and take a shot every time a guttural “mother” is heard uttered in the theater.
fiascA!
If Emma Chamberlain were a nepo baby (wait, is Emma a nepo baby?), she would be Sofia Coppola’s daughter. Romy Mars took to Tik Tok after being grounded for trying to charter a private plane to have dinner with her “camp friend” on her father’s credit card. The “fiasca” (as described by Sofia Coppola’s daughter’s babysitter’s boyfriend) has led her to try cooking on her own, but she doesn’t know the difference between onion and garlic. Despite not being allowed any public social media accounts (“They don’t want me to be a nepotism kid, but TikTok is not gonna make me famous, so it doesn’t matter.”), the video has been viewed well over a million times.
I have never wanted to be a nepo baby more!
In other news, both Yellowjackets and Succession are back for their respective second and fourth seasons. I will be seated for both. I have one episode left of Swarm, and while the show itself isn’t amazing, Dominique Fishback’s performance is truly star-making.
Lana del Rey is back with one of her best albums to date, Beyoncé still hasn’t dropped the visuals, and the first glimpse of Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn in Joker 2: Folie à Deux has been released.
X, Bryce